St Patrick's Day
by 8B
Summary: Drawn crazy with emotion and loyalty, Naruto gave into this loneliness long ago. His love for Sasuke drives him deeper into despair. Is it a love that lasts an eternity...or just 'til St. Patrick's Day? SasuNaru


Disclaimer: I own the character's of Naruto! In my lust-filled dreams…

St. Patrick's Day

This is the only holiday I can possibly be comfortable with.

Sasuke is dead. I've known it for a long time no matter how hard Sakura and Kakashi-sensei try to keep it from me. That spark I used to feel when he was around and riled me up has dissipated. It's the loneliest feeling. I suspect that everyone has tuned into my discovery, I have been crying a lot.

But tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. Not another holiday about loving and being loved. I won't have to face joyous family and romantic couples. I can laugh for once again because that hole torn deep inside of me can ignore the feelings of love I had and still have for Sasuke.

My Sasuke. His memory belongs to only me now; I am the only one that truly loved him. Enough to let him try to kill me. Twice. His fanclub is a thing of the past. They used to cherish him, his good looks, his broodiness, his masterful skill as a shinobi. Now they whisper and gossip in distaste of him. As if he was never something great to them. This is why he can belong only to me now because I will protect his namesake.

When he first left, betrayed the leaf village, I still had nothing but love and admiration and pure passion for him. Passion to be his equal. No, to be better than equal. I wanted him to desire me the way I had always desired him. So for years I trained and for years I continued to love him and the night before our last battle he desired me.

I'll remember our love-making more than any retort or punch ever crossed between us. It made me apart of Sasuke and Sasuke apart of me. Loneliness was something that we had always shared. That and utter bliss when any touching insult passed between us

"Teme!"

And Sasuke's soft and calculated "Dobe."

That and always a smile, visible or not. I loved him for it. It melted my heart which had grown cold from the years of isolation and self-punishment.

He smiled at me at me in that soft and caring way, the night he took me, that assured me that he loved and desired me in equal force. That was what we were equal in. Our love for each other. And I smiled back as my tears broke free and I poured out my relief as Sasuke ran his smooth cold fingers over my burning flesh. Years worth of love spilled from my lips as he clumsily laid kisses on my chest throughout our love-making.

In our exhaustion we lay slick together, hips still in motion and tears still flowing. I tell him it's my first time, which I realized was a stupid remark. It would be my only time I suppose. Sasuke died the next day, through I tried to force myself to believe otherwise. I used to be the master of self-delusion.

Present day Konoha, I rarely speak to anyone one. I am not given many missions either, Tsunade's orders.

"Naruto is not in the right state of mind" she says.

She's pushing my buttons and I know she is aware of it. So I break her rules and do whatever I want. She doesn't object much anymore, begrudgingly might I add. Ever since the last time she denied me my freedom and forced me to blow my rasengan through her right shoulder, she has kept pretty quiet – in her hospital room on the road to recovery.

I don't regret any of my actions. My lover died. I tell everyone so. I've left it out for the world to pick up scan through and dispose of, like any other newspaper article. That's how important I was to this village.

The only man I ever loved went down as a missing nin, and I will go down as a traumatized endangerment to society.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"You're driving yourself into a deep hole of grief and self-pity" Gaara says to me in his emotionless demeanor. So like Sasuke. So unlike Sasuke. Sasuke had fire in him, passion. Gaara is still that developing child knowing only of tantrums and frustration.

"I love him Gaara." I answer him truthfully while I hold his hand as he tries futilely to sleep once more.

His hazy blue and black gaze meets mine, a flicker of rare emotion shooting through. Hope springs up in my chest. "Naruto…"

I glance away knowing what comes next. Promises for love tomorrow a second chance at a fruitful life.

"I wish I could make you happy Naruto" he tells me slowly while squeezing my hand tighter in his own. "Happy enough so you would….forget. Forget about the man who left you twice"

I snatch my hand away. I am pleased that our fingers can actually connect now. Pleased that we both can relish in the feelings of absent human flesh. But right now he has annoyed me. It turned out this way in every conversation I tried to carry out with my friends. Before I became positive that Sasuke had died, left me.

"You're not even capable of making yourself happy Gaara!" I snap " Don't take my feelings so lightly as to think that your false promises will leave some delusion in my mind of ever being loved as fiercely as I was by Sasuke!"

"Sasuke didn't leave me twice." I'm crying now.

"He…he loved me so much I could feel it. When he braced himself against me and tried to kiss away my tears." A chuckle escapes me. "Heh. As if the teme could."

I feel a dam breaking inside of me. My lungs are growing tighter and my fingertips pulse unbeknownst to me through their numbness. I hate this feeling. My sobs are becoming stronger and more painful. I want to hit something, break something. Like how I was broken. I march up to Gaara.

I know not many of my punches or whatever thrashing limbs I have left in control of my emotions will ever reach Gaara. But the few that do leave me in such a strong, however temporary, state that I squeal in self-embellished bliss. The sight of blood pouring from his shattered nose sends shudders of pleasure through me.

When his punishment is done we are back on schedule. I kiss him softly as he clings to me in regret, the frustration pouring out of him now that he knows I am sorry for hurting him. His eyes change drastically flooded with emotion, though I wish it didn't take a violent thrashing for us to get to this point anymore.

" Tomorrow's St. Patrick's Day Gaara." I whisper to him gently clutching his head and upper body to me. His uncontrollable shaking has now subsided. "I can't see you tomorrow. That would mean breaking my own rules."

I can tell he is confused. There is no barrier once I kiss him. I allow my lips to trail over the tense pulse in his neck. My fingers follow, gently at first. My grip becomes tighter and the sand whips around us, trying to dislodge me. But Gaara looks up at me in understanding.

This isn't the first time. I'm not going to leave him dead.

Once I am through and satisfied with the length of time I am sure he will be out, I step back. The sand wraps around him gentle as a mother's comforting embrace.

I effectively seal his quarters and make his guards aware of what I have done. They look at me in shame, they know they have no power against me.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

My race with the wind through the chilling forest thrills me. My feet carry me as my eyes are closed. Tonight I won't return to my barren and loveless "home". I travel straight to my true resting place.

"Sasuke I'm here!" I shout out in my ecstasy. Quieting immediately remembering it's our secret.

I can tell he's been waiting. The grass is perked up more than it was this morning or last night or any of the other countless times I have returned to him.

I slam my bottom clumsily into the dirt. I always feel giddy in his presence. I smile sheepishly and look at the mound I made through my loyalty and love. Crawling over I scoop up some of the cool and smooth dirt and touch it to my lips. So much like Sasuke, cool and smooth.

I hate it when he doesn't answer me. Anger flashes through me and I heave the dirt at the make-shift grave in anxiety. Regret fills me immediately. I'm crying. Again.

"Dobe."

It was only a matter of time before I heard him. My heart struggles to retain its normal pace. Wiping my tears I give him a broad smile.

"I love you today teme." I say in a rush, my love crashing through me in powerful waves. I sober up, this is important. "Tomorrow's that green dude's holiday haha." I laugh.

"It's a loveless day. Not some holiday about togetherness and relationships that I have to sit through in agony. It's a day when I won't allow myself to love you." I take a deep breath which turns into a dizzying shudder. "Tomorrow, if I can allow myself this much I won't allow myself to return to you in grief."

"I'll love you forever Sasuke."

My fingers stretch through the soil, drops of my tears splashing and mixing messily with it. I try to drag my hands away to leave this place.

"Can't you see you're driving me insane Sasuke!" My anger is getting the best of me. "I come here countless times a day to converse with a pile of dirt and decaying bones."

"I rescued you from that terrible place you shut your eyes in, and brought you back home. And I still love you. Leave me in peace." My tears are relentless now. "Please give me that much!"

"Don't leave me Naruto." I here that achingly familiar voice cry out. "There is still time." The voice is calmer now, the tone I remember and miss. I collapse onto his resting place.

My eyes and heart wide open.

I whisper softly "tell me what to do."

His voice rings out through me. Caressing every fiber of my being. I'm in love again. I smile full-hearted.

This night will be the night I change my mind and celebrate St. Patrick's Day with love. This night will be the night when I bring Sasuke back to life.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Ok the holiday part may confuse you xD

But I stole it from John Mayer's love song cleverly titled St. Patrick's Day. What I analyzed from the lyrics was that every holiday you need to be with a person you love in order to not be unhappy, lonely. I decided to make that Naruto's mindset. That he could enjoy this loveless holiday because he wouldn't have to think about his love for Sasuke. Do you get in to now? Huh?! :D

My 4th story and it will be a continuation I'll update this weekend! Until then here are said lyrics

Here comes the cold  
Break out the winter clothes  
And find a love to call your own  
You - enter you  
Your cheeks a shade of pink  
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be  
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye  
When it comes to December it's obvious why  
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone  
You tell me the names of your brothers  
And your favorite colors  
I'm learning you  
And when it snows again  
We'll take a walk outside  
And search the sky  
Like children do  
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye  
When it comes to December it's obvious why  
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time  
And come January we're frozen inside  
Making new resolutions a hundred times  
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town  
and look around at all the beautiful houses  
something in the way that blue lights on a black night  
can make you feel more  
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be  
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time  
Come January we're frozen inside  
Making new resolutions a hundred times  
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave  
And we someday take that away  
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patty's Day!


End file.
